Having female members enter the work force en masse have obvious benefits - greater empowerment for women and more financial security for the family. But the accompanying shifts in the balance of power between spouses can exacerbate clashes over spending, saving and goals.
If he says, “You spent how much on what?” she’s now more likely to feel mad, not guilty: “Hey, I work, it’s my money too, and you can’t tell me what to do with it!”
With two earners under one roof, it’s also a lot easier - financially speaking - to break up. When you both make money, you’re both more able to pack up and leave, and the temptation to do that at times is strong.
Before you think about heading for the exit, try giving yourself what’s probably a long-overdue attitude adjustment. Guys, take heed: The financial rules of marriage have changed, and it’s time you started acting like it.
Stop behaving like Lord of the Money, with the titular right to decide how much your household should spend, where to invest and what your financial priorities should be. In the post-Ozzie and Harriet era, managing the family’s money is a team sport.
And ladies, remember: While it may be easier now to pull the marital rip cord, divorce is still a financial disaster for most couples - and the wife’s standard of living takes the bigger hit.
When you do discuss money issues, frame the conversation in a way that defuses emotional land mines. Start on neutral ground, talking over coffee or lunch, perhaps; getting out of the house sets a more businesslike tone and helps both of you stay on your best behavior.
And focus on the goal, not your judgment of your partner’s behavior. How you can pay off a particular credit card given your income and expenses is a fruitful topic. Debating who charged more frivolously to run up the balance in the first place is not.
